I’m led by irrational forces
I see an endless path
It’s gilded and full of radiant, unmitigated light
Yet sometimes I stray into the darkness of night
To where my beloved awaits me
To where there is no light except for her beauteous eyes, her precious smile and her soft, pale breasts
To where there is no scent but her warmth, her breath and her intoxicating aroma
And to where there is no sound but the sound of our love, our tender kisses, her blissful moaning and her soft gentle sighs…
I’ve found no relief from the vision of her beauty…
Are You still with me oh eternal radiant light?
Or does our naked bodies offend You and cause You to scatter?
This body of mine
It cries out for deep pleasure that stirs both my spirit and my senses
It cries out for the touch of her hands and her lips
It reveals to me the exact shape of my passion
Always making known to me my wicked heart’s desire
Shall I turn down such an invitation?
Such an offer?
You have delivered me from the lowly curse of promiscuity
And cast out a poly-amorous spirit
But You must know that I have truly and purely loved only one and that my transgressions owe much err to deep-seated loneliness and the wretched woes of my youth
SHE is the only woman I have ever truly loved, to the point of adoration…
Surely You must know this.
Oh eternal radiant light will You not have mercy on our souls for our pleasures are only for a moment’s time but our love is forever.
Though I plead with You that if I stray too far into the darkness of night that You not cast me out of Your light but instead kindle in me a worthy prayer, so powerful, so beautiful and so graceful, full of willful surrender
So that I may have hope that Your light might return to me, without reproach, without penance or castigation and without shame
But to guide me lovingly out of the darkness of night back into the kingdom of light, where the Father of Lights near dwells
For You are a searcher of hearts and You know where I truly yearn to be,
Near the source of eternal love and beauty.
*This poem is about the struggle between the Thelemic heart and the Christian heart.